Thursday, January 17, 2008

Life Story.. from anorexia to cocaine addiction.. and how I overcame the obstacles of my life

Growing up an over-weight, child of divorced parents was anything but "The American Dream" and I always felt neglected, unattractive, and unworthy of anyones love. My parents divorced when I was only 7, and my mom because of financial complications was forced to go back to college and work a full-time job. I only saw my dad on the weekends, and when I did our conversations usually consisted of my wieght, how horrible my mother was, and how I was just like her, and would grow up to be just like her. Biggest fear of my life at the time, ending up just like my mother. During the time when my mom was a full time waitress and student, her mother, and my grandmother (mammaw) raised my sister and I. We soon became extremely close, and although my mother loved me, I idolized my grandmother and loved to spend time with her. At age 15, I moved to my father's house and to a new town where I soon tried out for my high schools pom squad, and made it! I was so happy, and although I lost a lot of weight before the try outs I felt unattractive. It wasn't enough. So I began to skip meals, or just not eat at all on days when I would work-out for almost two hours a day. I began to rapidly loose weight, and wanted to move back in with my mom and show all the kids I went to school with before just how "attractive and thin I was!" The anorexia escalated, and my wieght dropped to 89 pounds (5'5). When my parents began to be concerned, they sent me to many counselors, none of which did I see more than once. I began to fall into a deep depression and began binging and purging, or just not eating for about a year. After that year, I could no longer keep up the severity of anorexia, so I just binged and purged about 4 days out of the week. My junior year I found a great group of girls who were in the grade above me. They were partiers! We went drinking on the weekends, and often slept over at peoples houses that we didn't really know. I began to become addicted to the alcohol and it soon became more than recreational drinking, I began to drink in the morning before school, several shots of vodka before heading out the door. This lasted pretty much the last semester of my junior year, also the summer after my junior year, my sister, and best friend moved away to North Carolina, my Grandmother passed away, my three best friends moved to Norman to go to OU, my mom got re-married, and my dad and I had quite the falling out. All this pretty much happened in about a two month period. With no relationship with God, and feeling I had no where to turn, I soon made friends with the "druggies" at my school. I tried cocaine for the first time when I was barely 17 and was instantly addicted. I fell in "love" with the drug, and did it everyday. I could do as much cocaine as you put in front of me, some times up to 20 grams. I was going in a downward spiral fast, and felt no way out. During this time I also experimented with extacy, heroin, acid, and meth. Anything I could get my hands on, I did. I dated two drug dealers during this time as well.. and felt there was no way out. I began to attempt suicide. Each time coming extremely close. But God had his hand on me the whole time. I can remeber my parents saying " Honey, the doctor said you were an hour from death, don't you feel blessed?" My answer was almost always," If God really loved me, he would let me die!"
Mercy Ministries-
After several stays in the mental health units of several hospitals ("psych wards") My parents long time friend, and my now accountability partner told us about Mercy Ministries. After spending six months at Mercy Ministries, I found God, and in turn found Life. I have been clean from cocaine and alcohol for over 11 months now, and am completely free from any eating disorder I have ever had. I came to realize who I am in Christ. I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING, and proud of it!

5 comments:

SheriYates said...

weepin with JOY over your transformation! I am so proud of you for sharing your story! link to me and I will like to you! Praise God! Let's dream about what WE can do together! Love you!

Tim and Christie said...

He is SO amazing! THANK YOU for having the strength and courage to share your testimony! I NEVER tire of hearing of His goodness! Praising God for His life changing power in you life!!! Looking forward to reading more from you!

Amanda said...

Girl!!! I came across your blog totally randomly.... I loved reading it. I have missed seeing you!! I remember that lunch at Interurban and probabll never forget it. You have such an impact on people in a very positive way. I love looking at you and seeing ALL GOD!!! You are so stunning!

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Dominic said...

Thank you for sharing your story. You have inspired me. Keep writing!!